Who am I?

Who am I ?
There are so many different ways of describing someone, by what they wear, or look like, by their personality, or by the things they spend time on. And I could tell you what i like to wear and what i look like, but i wonder if you knew me then. Or if you knew, who I am. Sometimes, I don’t even know myself who I am. And i guess, that’s normal for a teenager like me.
But I wish it was different. I wish I could look into the mirror and know who’s looking back, but it feels like I’m only slowly starting to get to know this person. With all her past and future, dreams and nightmares, friends and enemies.
Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn’t spend more time with myself, to get to know myself better and maybe bring peace to myself. Stop all these wars going inside myself for a while. No hate, no pain, just peace. Peace with who I am.
I talked to a friend yesterday, that I haven’t talked to for a while. I believe that everyone changes. And while we were talking , he was telling me, that it is just not the same anymore. That I’m not the same anymore. He believed I was trying to be someone I’m not. And because I was living with my mask on for so long, I forgot who I really am.
And for a while I wondered if he was right. If I lost myself, while trying to be something I’m not. But who am I, if not myself. Is it not my lung breathing, my heart beating, me being alive, me being myself.
I know that, people change. It broke my heart before when someone changed to the worse in my opinion. But in the end, all we are doing is clinging onto old memories, while there would be a kind of new person to discover and to love the way they are.
I dont know who I am. I am 16. I am Para. I am not normal. I am like a phoenix, falling into ashes but standing up again.
I dont know who I am. I dont know who you are.
But I hope that one day, you will love yourself in a way that only you can love yourself. And I wish, that I will do the same aswell.
Take care,
Para

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