Suddenly, I started freezing again.
It came up behind me and his cold hands touched my skin, and noone could see, except for me. Except for my freezing self.
I tried to look away, but i knew he was there. Noone else noticed.
And he told me I wasn’t worth it. And he stood by me, wherever I went. He watched me sleep, when I was lying in my bed, and watched me sit in school, being taught. Wherever I went his cold, freezing air surrounded me.
The cold touch of his hand made me shiver. No matter how many jumpers I wore. No matter how warm it was.
Something followed me. Something freezing. Something cold.
It scared me. It made me shiver.
I tried to run. But no matter where I went, there was no place that I was safe at.
I tried to forget. But no matter how much I drank and what pills i took, his cold hands kept on lying on my shoulder watching over everything I did.
I tried not to think about it. But he came back into my mind whenever it wasnt occupied by something else.
I couldn’t escape. And noone noticed. My little head slowly turned mad. Telling me to give up, to give in.
And noone noticed.
His cold voice told me that the only thing that would make me feel warm again would be my splattering blood on my skin. And I told myself that it was all lies. Told myself that I’d make it through.
But deep inside, i did doubt it. I had never been strong enough to resist. Just temporary.
And his cold touch made me shiver again. I was so lonely. And how could I feel the warmth of company if everything that surrounded me was his cold air ?
I tried not to listen. But his voice always found a way inside my head. To tell me to give up, to give in.
I stood strong, broke down, but did not give in. I felt so weak.
I wanted to bang my head against the wall. To get his voice out of there.
I wanted to slit open my wrists. To make him go away.
I wanted to give up. Give in.
And yet, here I am. Shivering.