If you could spend the next year as someone radically different from the current “you” — a member of a different species, someone from a different gender or generation, etc. — who would you choose to be?
I can’t remember how many times I lied on the floor crying thinking that I want to be anyone but me. I thought it would be easier. I wanted to be anyone – anyone but this small girl that felt so damn lost in this big world.
I wanted to look different. Better. Feel different. Better. Love different. Better.
But I’m not quite sure if that is still my aim.
I know life is difficult some days, sometimes even too hard to take.
But I fought my way through this up until here. I gave up so much, I cried so much, I felt so much pain. Why would I have done all this just to throw it all away now to be someone I’m not.
I’m proud of who I become. Maybe I am a better version of myself already because for once I don’t hate myself as much. I don’t know what this year will bring. How it will change me. If it will change me.
And no matter how much I hate myself I know that somewhere deep inside this is who I want to be. I may not be the prettiest, sportiest, most lucky flower in the garden, but i fight for myself, for who I am. And i doubt i’d fight for someone I wouldn’t care about.
We spend so much time thinking about how much better everything could be if we were different. Why don’t we take some time to remember how good life was to us because of who we are?
And for some reason I feel like if I could chose to be someone. I’d still chose myself. With all my imperfections, flaws and mistakes. Because imperfection is beauty.
Because I hope that one day life will be easier and I will be able to look back and smile about how confused I was, and how easy everything settled just by being myself.