I feel so empty now

Remember the last time you hugged me when I sat in my room crying ?

No – I don’t either.
And it’s certainly not cause I stopped crying,
you just stopped noticing.

Some days I wonder,
If you don’t see,
or if you don’t want to see.

I wonder,
how we managed to go from living to co-existing.

If you’d hug me now,
I’d cry.
And you’d ask me why,
and i’d say i don’t know.

I do know.
I just don’t want you to know.

Cause every happy moment
makes it harder to hate ye for what you do,
for the alcohol and lies.

Cause I’m afraid of myself,
I can’t live like that anymore.

Cause I can’t sleep or eat,
without feeling sick.

I want you to know,
that I love you,
even though we both,
hardly show it anymore.

I want you to know,
that I do care,
I just don’t have the strength,
to care at the moment.

I want you to know,
that I think about,
dying or running away
every day.

And yet I am here.

I want you to know,
that I miss the times,
when pretending that we were happy,
made me feel like we were.

Happy.
I miss that.
I feel so empty now.

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