I’ll be fine

I feel like I blankly stared at the screen for an hour or such.
I felt like I should write.
Because it’s the thing that soothes my soul a lot, whenever I can’t draw.

I couldn’t sleep,
the demons kept me awake,
and the blood splatter pictures
in my mind
tried to kill me
from the inside.

I tried to scream,
to make it go away,
but whatever I do,
I know it will stay.
And I crunch my teeth,
and I scar my skin,
Can it be a sin,
if it’s the only thing
that keeps me sane?

Sane – well close enough,
I wonder if ill delete this draft
just like all the ones before.
And I’m still waiting,
for that white rabbit,
to lead me to my wonderland.

I wonder what Alice felt like
when she fell,
Was it like flying?

My head has been aching for days,
as if it hit the ground too hard.
But i know I didn’t fall,
I’m just clinging to the beat of my heart.
Reminding me,
that I am still alive,
at least existing,
not living, to be true,
but trying to.

I should get ready now,
To play the game again,
to get lost in the labyrinth,
my mind has put me in.

Don’t dare to tell me,
I’ll be fine,
I wasn’t,
I’m not,
I won’t.

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