Couldn’t stop. Lost control.

Sometimes the most beautiful days end with the most painful conclusions.

And this day had been so wunderful, was there any other way for it to end ?

I laughed until my tummy hurt. Couldn’t stop. Lost control.

Loneliness came. And loneliness brought his friend emptiness.

I hurt myself. Couldn’t stop. Lost control.

Now I freeze. Feel dizzy. Sight went pitchblack for a moment.
Skin looks odd. Never seen anything like that. Feel sick. Feel dirty.

I hit rock bottom.

Skin feels stiff. Never felt like this before.

I stopped crying. Stopped everything.
It’s as if i had been pushed beneath water, and the only thing that could pull me out again was pain. It’s like the first breath you take after you nearly drowned. It feels so clear, so full of life.

I’m so very much alive and so very much dead right now.

And I tell myself,
that this was the last time.
Like I did the time before,
and the time before.


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